I loved boarding

I loved boarding and now, having entered the teaching profession as a second career, I feel very privileged to be running my own boarding school. 

We’ve all read horror stories of boarding schools and seen tear-jerking documentaries about children “abandoned” by their parents at school.  These naturally suit our “politically correct” age, pulling at the emotional heartstrings of parents and providing a sensationalist read.  For all of those who hated their time at boarding school there are many, many more who enjoyed it and thrived in such an environment.  It’s time to set the record straight and present an alternative and more balanced view of boarding then (over twenty years ago), and also to put that in perspective and look at boarding today.

Apart from the sheer fun that I had at school there were obvious, tangible, benefits.  Most notably, these were a far greater appreciation of home, independence, life-long friendships, tolerance and broad opportunities.

There is no doubt that my relationship with my mother improved immeasurably once I was away at school.  She was no longer the ogre who had to nag me to complete my homework or to get to bed on time.  She became the person I went shopping with, who ferried me to see my friends in the holidays and who let me camp in the garden when friends came to stay with me.  She became my friend and confidante.

Boarding school gave me a wonderful feeling of independence.  I learnt this independence gently, with support all around should I falter at any time.  I had to make sure that I was in the right place at the right time, I had to look after my books and clothes.  I could choose what I wanted to do and, within reason, when.  It was a liberating feeling and gave me confidence – excellent preparation for University and beyond. 

I made life-long friends.   I am godmother to their children and remain in regular contact with many of them.  My friends were (and are) not of any one particular type.  They were bright, they were sporty, they were extroverts, they were not so bright, they were not so sporty and they were introverts.  Whatever our interests and strengths we all knew each other and were all there for each other.  We helped each other through the minor teenage hiccups – boyfriend problems, spot problems, dress problems – and the far more serious and devastating incidents such as the death of a friend or a parent.

I learnt tolerance, how to live in a community, how to get on with people and how to respect people for their differences.  I learnt to appreciate that beneath an unpromising exterior was always a different opinion or perspective worth listening to.  What better preparation for sharing an open-plan office and having to put up with other people’s foibles and idiosyncrasies and for understanding and motivating work colleagues in later life.

There were so many opportunities, and there are even more in today’s schools.  I can only imagine the restrictions imposed by travelling to and from school each day, the lack of opportunity for all those extra-curricular activities and too little time for chatting and gossiping with my friends in the evenings (and inevitably after lights out!).  Not that we had to be busy the whole time, we also had time to ourselves to read or write diaries or just ‘be’.  The jokes and camaraderie that still remain over twenty years on as we reminisce about various incidents at school are built mainly on situations that were not in the classroom but after supper in the evenings or at weekends.

Yes I was a bit homesick – but thank goodness I was homesick aged eleven rather than aged eighteen when I went away to University, as many of my fellow students were. 

I cannot deny that our dormitories were dreadful and wouldn’t pass muster by today’s cushy standards.  We were used to bare floorboards, no heating (ice on the inside of the windows in the morning!) and no posters or pin-ups on the walls – simply rather austere portraits of Victorian ladies and Bishops.  We also had strict routines for baths and hair washing and I wouldn’t have dreamt of talking to any of the staff if I had a problem.  We only had one telephone for three hundred girls to share so I hardly spoke to my parents during the term, but I wrote letters and received them.   Today there are carpets on the floors, personal photos and posters festoon the walls, bath rotas are non-existent, staff are more approachable, email, text messages and telephone calls are almost constant, parents visit far more regularly and weekend exeats are generally more flexible.

Times have changed.  Parents and children have different demands and requirements.  Schools, and in particular boarding schools, have developed phenomenally to keep abreast and ahead of changing family, social and intellectual demands. Only the other day I read an article stating that children are the major decision-makers in families.  Schools consider their pupils’ emotional and spiritual needs far more than ever before.  Peer counselling schemes, pupil representatives, personal tutors, school counsellors and PSHE (personal, social and health education) programmes are now standard practice. The individual is nurtured and developed to enable each and every student to reach his or her potential. 

I value my contact with the girls in my school considerably and encourage them to come and talk to me.  They and I have the time as we are here in the evenings and at weekends.  I am much happier making decisions ultimately for their benefit having had their input (either directly or indirectly).  I respect their viewpoints – they are intelligent and sensitive.  I might not always agree with their suggestions or opinions and, if appropriate, am happy to explain why not.  I had huge respect for my headmistress; I hope that the girls in my own school have respect for me, but I also hope that they find me approachable.

Somewhere, somehow, teenagers have to learn that you don’t have to compromise your individuality by acting as the occasion demands.  One of the huge advantages of boarding school is that the pupils see the staff not only in official “work” mode, but also in “relaxed” mode – in jeans at the weekends, with their own children, joining in the school aerobathon and so on.  Most adult role models are either social (ie family and friends) or work (ie teachers or work experience); boarding school provides both from the same individuals.

Boarding provided me with huge opportunities, a joie de vivre and an “accelerated start” in life, over twenty years ago.  The standards and provision have improved considerably since then, it’s time to redress the jaded perception that many people have of boarding, based on a few shocking stories.  Today’s boarding school children are nurtured by their parents and nurtured by their Housemistresses/masters.  They have a wonderful quality of life, many more opportunities to communicate with home and go home (if there isn’t something more exciting happening at school) than ever before and a greater chance to develop their own independence and confidence in preparation for life beyond school.  In this increasingly competitive and demanding world boarding is an opportunity not to be missed.

Diana Vernon, Headmistress of Woldingham School
A version of this article appeared in The Daily Telegraph, 16th June 2001

Click here to search for independent schools.
Click here to promote your school or company.
Click here to purchase the guide.