Through the looking glass

Coping in a new school in a new country. Sara Rex tells how she faced the challenge with her children

When we came to the UK from our home in Texas, we realized that although in the London area parents can ease the challenge of transition by choosing American or international schools for their children, in most parts of the United Kingdom there are no such schools and here an independent school is often the best choice.

Such schools can offer a superior academic and cultural experience, as well as the special help and attention often required by foreign students in a new educational environment. In addition they offer Latin, French and German from a young age, as well as separate science courses from age 11. The inclusion of design technology as a required part of curriculum is another wonderful benefit. The emphasis on games and sport encourages even children who are non-athletes to exercise and stay fit. Finally, excellent systems of pastoral care ensure that children experience a sense of belonging and being cared for. It is well worth emphasizing the extraordinary range of opportunities on offer which some independent school parents and pupils maybe take for granted.

It might perhaps be helpful to parents, who are thinking of choosing an independent school for their child, if I share some of our thoughts and experiences of school in England. Some of what follows is about being American, but all of it is about being new!

A new school is always a challenge. Friendship patterns change, new rules and conventions must be learned, new teachers and different academic requirements met. In settling in after a move, getting involved in clubs and activities is essential to a successful adjustment. A personal invitation from a teacher to join a specific activity can make a huge difference for a reluctant or shy child, whilst form tutors can help by recommending a particular club. The school nurse can be a key figure. 
Often anxieties are expressed in the form of vague or sudden tummy aches, followed by trips to the nurse with a request to go home. On the other hand, the upsets could be real as the newcomer experiences unfamiliar strains of colds and flu!

Children who move to the UK will encounter differences in expectations regarding presentation of their schoolwork. US schools are much more tolerant of free expression and individualized work styles, and American kids carry around large ring binders bursting with school papers (often not-at-all neatly maintained!). It can be an adjustment to learn to work in bound exercise books, using both sides of the page, and underlining for emphasis using a ruler. An American child, who might have been considered exceptionally neat in her US school, may be reprimanded repeatedly in the UK for not having neat work habits! These skills, while perhaps painful to learn, serve students well throughout their lives, as do the high standards of speaking and writing required from an early age in British schools.

American families must also adjust their way of thinking about school grades and performance measures. Here there is a much heavier emphasis placed on standardized exams and exam results and not much emphasis put on grades or assessments given by the school. Neat and largely correct work, handed in on time, will generally get an ‘A’ grade in a US school. A ‘C’ grade, even though meant to be ‘average,’ would strike an American pupil as less-than-desirable, to put it mildly! British marking systems tend to be more honest and devoid of grade inflation.

Even though many schools in the US require school uniforms, these are pretty casual by British standards. The first sight of the British school uniform can be quite a surprise, and there may be tears over the ‘ugly’ black leather shoes and the men’s tie required, even for girls. But comfort can be given by pointing out that all students will look equally unfashionable! Following many complaints about having to wear her school uniform, one American student in Year 11 admitted, ‘my uniform makes me feel smarter’!

It is very helpful to have someone ‘in the know’ translate the ‘official’ uniform policy into what actually happens: the rules may say that girls’ heels should not be more than one-inch, but in reality the girls all teeter about in four-inch heels!

The time and resources devoted to sports and physical education in British independent schools amaze American parents and students, many of whom will have come from schools where such things have been cut back due to budgetary constraints. It is wonderful to see schools providing hill-walking or trips to the local leisure centre for swimming or work with weights. American students are astonished that British schools don’t stop outdoor games just because it is raining, sleeting, or snowing! They learn quickly how British kids develop a stiff upper lip and rosy cheeks, especially if half the kids in class must take off their PE jumpers in order to become the ‘white team’ in short-sleeved knit shirts. Americans would never dream of playing in the rain, and here they learn a sense of perseverance that is an invaluable life lesson. On the other hand, there is a different sense of ‘school spirit’: Americans must adjust to the fact that there are no marching bands, pep rallies, homecoming football games or other sporting events that act as a social focus for the school. However, American students are astonished at the trips taken by school sports teams to play teams in foreign countries, an enriching experience in themselves.

There is an impressive level of professionalism among teaching staff at British independent schools, even compared with US independent schools. Teachers here take their jobs very seriously and feel a sense of responsibility for each child’s progress. Students in the UK exhibit an astonishing politeness by US standards – American students are left speechless when they first encounter the practice of standing when the teacher enters room! On the other hand, American students can face jarring social dilemmas and tricky decisions about what course of action to take when their tradition of speaking out encounters a tradition of solidarity with classmates and a strong taboo against ‘sneaking’ on other pupils even if they are known tormentors of other students. For instance, coach or bus travel can be a source of real anxiety for US kids, especially if they are from US private schools and haven’t ridden school buses before. The new and largely unsupervised social scene on the bus, the hierarchy of seating, peer pressure, smoking and other misbehaviour – even a rude driver – can be a shock to a child who has always been driven to school by a parent!

Bullying issues exist everywhere, but groups of kids deciding to shut out or isolate a child can more easily happen in a new school environment. Schools can help by looking for signs of problems and taking measures such as allowing a student to change forms if the problems have reached a serious level. Following the pattern in the US whereby there tends to be more supervision during recess times, before and after school on the playground, and not allowing children in classrooms without an adult present, might be beneficial.

American parents often remain more protective of teenagers and more restrictive in their rules for them than their UK counterparts. It surprises American parents to learn that it is not necessarily common practice to meet the parents of their child’s friends, even when sending their child over to spend the night. Children in the UK are allowed to go into town on their own and to ride public transport at a much earlier age than in most parts of the US. From the US perspective, it is a strange notion that adulthood can be seen to begin at 16 when many students here leave school. In the US, kids who leave school at that age are considered ‘drop-outs’ and this is not seen as a desirable path. American parents also note problems associated with lack of enforcement of drinking age laws in the UK and are surprised at the lack of ‘teeth’ in laws that should hold pubs or bars liable if they serve minors. These differences are something American parents must learn to cope with and they help parents to teach responsible behaviour to their teens. Above all, the school experience, at once so different and yet in some ways so familiar, is an education in itself. Our girls, who attend The King’s School in Macclesfield, have both adjusted to life in the UK so well that they claim they will not want to go back to America when their father’s contract ends!

Sara Rex moved to Cheshire with her husband and two daughters four years ago. Sara is a Certified Public Accountant and served on the board of St Mark’s Episcopal School in Houston, Texas, chairing its finance committee. Since moving to the UK she has served as President of the American Expats of Northwest England and is active on the Committee of Friends of King’s.

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